Michigan

First day in was good. It's great to come back to something so familiar. Got lots of hugs from my mom. Had a party at my Aunt's w/a bunch of the family. Good times!

Trying to find comfort in Buddha

Christmas weekend in Florida. Ahhh so many emotions and realizations. It's nice to feel like I'm finally learning some of those important life lessons and really coming to terms with who I am and not compromising that. I've been trying to remember the things I've read from the Buddha and the things I learned in my Vipassana course to help me through my feelings.

Honestly I was feeling pretty sad and lonely on Friday, instead of sitting in my apt, i biked over to Wekiva Springs. I was determined to make the most of my day and commune with nature. It is definitely something I need to make a regular habit. . Of course the fact that I was going alone gave me a pang but then I remembered to appreciate myself and enjoy the ride. Most people I know would love to have some alone time. The park was pretty and the weather a nice 75'. I was thinking about how I wanted him to be there and honestly seeing the couples and families everywhere was nice and I reminded myself I'll have that some day, just not right now and I need to learn to be happy with myself. Its something I've def been wrestling with lately. Those desires have been taunting me. "Desire is the root of all suffering."

I almost went swimming in the spring but I didn't have anything to wear an my underclothes were a bit see through. I'm daring,but not that much! I will def bring a change of clothes and jump in next time. The average temp of the spring is 73'. There were also some canoes to rent. I hope to take a trip and hopefully next time I can convince someone to head over there with me.

Biked home after a couple hours of trail walking and biking around the park. Stopped and got a bottle of wine, ice cream and ordered a pizza. Watched some movies on netflix and had a nice evening relaxing. Honestly the only reason I was sad is because the day was Christmas eve. In those moments I had nothing really wrong, but once again my focus on what wasn't overwhelmed me. “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”

The next day after some self reflection, a friend who taught in Korea came by to pick me up. I was def reminded how traveling and making new friends is real and happens all the time. Spent the day playing scrabble which honestly I don't' think I've ever played an entire game before in my life. It was nice to be with people and enjoy the day together. Great talks and an interesting independent film about gangs in Mexico. Of course my mind started spinning and I started thinking about how people work their emotional motivations and cultural pressures. All these basic things and cycles we go through that is our reality and individual life. what is right and wrong. ahh my mind goes all over the place. what makes our lives all so different and what we deem better and worse etc. what are we all really doing anyways? and what does it matter? "A wise man, recognizing that the world is but an illusion, does not act as if it is real, so he escapes the suffereing."

Called him when I got home and had a long talk with him and of course I was sad we didn't spend any time together and why is that? Because this day has the name Christmas and there are certain ways that things are 'supposed' to be. but why is that? He's still working every day, feeling exhausted and there I am crying about how because it's Christmas weekend things are supposed to be different. He's helping his family, working a job he hates that is physically demanding and there I am desiring things which is causing me suffering. Reasons why we are still technically broken up but yet that doesn't change our feelings. Sigh, I'm not sure how to understand it all sometimes. "There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills."

Now it's Sunday and I'm going to have me some Sunday Funday...I think I'll venture out into the world and see where it takes me!

Oh and I'm going home on Wednesday so...I'll get lots of HUGS!!

quick update

From last post update
* break up was good it helped eliminate some of the pressure we had put ourselves to make things perfect. although we are still acting like we are together. i guess a label is just a label, but i'm happy that some things changed for the better.
*didn't cut hair, waiting for spring and then we'll see. maintaining a short blonde pixie prob wouldn't fit into my life right now.
* got some furniture from the Mustard Seed! yeah soo greatful, i would have never been able to afford anything, i'm barely maintaining my normal expenses let alone getting furniture. hopefully getting a bed and kitchen table next month!
* things at job are going better. :)
* starting team service project with cities of service next month!! yeah!

Past and Present 2 months in Florida

Okay so lets recap the past 2 months I've been here.
Drove down from Michigan to Florida- did all the driving myself.
Car got towed on Orange Avenue downtown Orlando with ticket.
Found cute one bedroom that I could afford near work.
Involved in a car collision which resulted in my car being totaled-no major injuries.
Learning the bus system, it's going okay.
Broke up with boyfriend. (it was a mutual breakup)
Got library card! enjoying the Orange County Library System and still trying to go without internet at my apt.
Creating activity plan for Quest North Works.

Future plans.
Cut and dye hair for a big change and def join a gym (start working out more) That always helps the self esteem.
Bicycle or motor scooter...prob bicycle to start out with....
get furniture for apt!! Dec 11th made apt w/local charity The Mustard Seed.
Finish schedule for December with weekly outings with area D.
Join a networking site, maybe start dating again...ugh. lol
Start rosetta stone spanish? hmmm need to figure that out.
Start tutoring?
Well these are all good thoughts, not sure what I'll actually end up doing, I guess we'll see what actually happens!

Curious about the world around me.....

These weekly leadership meetings help to re inspire me. I can get caught up in the every day things and feelings. Comparing, judging myself on silly things. It's good to get back to what's important every week to keep my focus on why I came down here and what I'm doing. It's all going to come together and every week I feel like that is reinforced and I take a deep breath and let those other things fall away and refocus.
Our presentation today just made me more determined to keep my plans alive. I also felt more passionate about seeing Public Allies go to Detroit. It would be amazing to be a part of that. I believe in Detroit, my family is there, no matter how hard I try to fight it, it's my home. Don't' get me wrong, I love traveling, I love meeting new people, but as I get older and more focused on what I want out of life, making my home in Detroit just always seems like the only answer. My boyfriend mentioned to me the other day that no matter how many people I have around me he noticed that I always still feel lonely if my family isn't there, he's right. I've spend months overseas, having amazing times and loving every minute of it, but the pang of loneliness always creeps in and I miss my family.
How amazing would it be if I could have my base there and go out take others out into the world to explore! Make a better name for Detroit, show people how amazing it is!! despite the cold weather, it just makes me more determined to create a better world through that base.

I will remain curious about the world around me and learn from it! Be deliberiate with your thoughts and those things will be attracted to you.....

Life lessons

In school you learn the lesson first, then the test. In life its the test first in hopes you learn the lesson.

This quote was posted on my cousin's FB page the other day and I've been trying to learn the lessons. I've had quite a few tests lately. I'm doing okay, the support of old friends and new helping pull me out of my dark thoughts. I'm relinquishing control and realizing that maybe that is my lesson- I can't control this situation. Although I'm still always researching and brainstorming on how to fix this.... my favorite word the past couple days is "options."


Oh! just got a call that my background check is IN! I can go to work today!

I'll explain and clarify later. Checking bus routes for my trip up to Apopka.

78 degrees and sunny

Orlando is 78 degrees and sunny, lounging around, thinking back on the past 4 days.
Left for Florida on Wednesday, the drive down was long. Rain all morning through Ohio. Stopped that evening and rested at a hotel so great to lay down and stretch. Jacci was sick and throwing up, we discovered that the antibiotic that she was given was penicillin based, which she is allergic to.
Started up the next morning and I was lucky to be able to visit my sister at her new job in Charolette. I almost started crying when I saw her, it'd been so long. She looked great. I enjoyed a yummy portobello mushroom sandwich. Poor Jacci was in the car resting and feeling sick. She's stopped taking the antibiotic, but was still feeling the effects.

Made it into Orlando late Wednesday night. It was great to settle in. Staying at an extended stay hotel. A little kitchenette and basic amenities, close to the free way. Not sure where I'll be living, still exploring the area.

Thursday had to get my finger prints done and some documents notarized. Did some grocery shopping and brought in the rest of our bags. Robert, Jacci and I hung out and had fun finding the grocery store and things that were near by. Florida drivers are crazy!


First day of training on Friday went well. A morning filled with contracts and paper work. The afternoon consisted of an impromptu tour of all the Quest Locations with the other 5 people selected to serve with Quest. I'm at Quest North in Apopka. The location is new and the area is nice. It was nice to see the other locations as well. I think of all the locations I was placed at the one that fits my skills best. The center hosts a variety of projects that the clients are able to participate in. For example sorting wash cloths and hangers from Disney, making trip ticks for AAA and putting together tutoring supplies for A+ tutoring. It is great that there is work for people with different skill levels. I'll be working on designing activities for the clients that are finished with their work, don't want to work, or are physically/ mentally unable to complete the projects available.



Along with working at Quest Monday-Thursday, Friday will be filled with learning and community service projects with the other Public Allies. The other 21 participants are placed at different nonprofits around the Orlando area. We will all be participating in training through Public Allies Mon-Sat of next week.

Saturday some adventuring and exploring the Orlando area. Learned my lesson about parking on the weekend and had to get my car out of the impound lot. Luckily a shuttle driver gave us a free ride up to the lot. Ended the night meeting some new people and getting some job leads for Jacci. Also saw the end of the Vince Neil concert---girls, girls, girls.......

I'm excited about the next 10 months. It is going to be filled with lots of learning and amazing experiences. Stay tuned for up coming adventures in Orlando.

Florida bound

I recently accepted a position in Orlando, Florida. I never thought I'd move to Florida, but I'm always up for an adventure. I applied with Public Allies at a couple different locations throughout the country. Orlando called me to set up a phone interview. Something was calling me down to Orlando. I passed the phone interview and was asked to fly down to Orlando for in person interviews with the local nonprofits that were partnering with Public Allies this year.
The interviews were a quick 15 minutes and the room was full of potential allies. After interviewing all morning and then staying after to get in a couple extra interviews in, I was exhausted. The whole process was information overload. I wasn't quite sure that I really "clicked" with any of the nonprofits. Some I knew I was suited for, but honestly unsure if I was up for the challenge. Before I left I chose my top 5 and added "open to any position" at the bottom of my list. I'm very adaptable and I hopped that the right fit would just work out.

I received a rejection email that weekend and although I was bummed I tried to just keep positive. Keep myself motivated at my current job and see what would happen. I didn't give up and applied at some more nonprofits.

After a stressful week of work, the following Friday, I received a personal call from Public Allies. One of the allies turned down a position and a nonprofit was requesting me. Quest Inc I pulled out my notes and remembered speaking with them. I had put them on my top 5 but crossed them out. I know that working with physical and mental disabilities can be difficult and from my past experience working in Special Ed, I was apprehensive, but due to that experience, my understanding of special needs must have impressed them and they felt that I would be an asset to their organization. So after a nice chat with the ladies from Quest, I accepted the position. They inflated my ego by telling me that I was their first choice and when someone declined they asked right away if I was available.

Why not? It's what I had wanted a week ago, and my current job wasn't very fulfilling. I smiled and reminded myself that I had to be patient and keep the faith.

So...here I am two weeks away from driving down to Florida with y new position as a Vocational Training Coordinator for Quest Inc..... stay posted.